Terra is standing backstage with a mic in hand as she waits for Modern Mythology. As they pass by she tries asking them, “Excuse me... may I ask you a few questions about your loss last week in the tag tournament?”

Modern Mythology suddenly stops in their tracks and turn to Terra. Phoebe clears her throat loudly, “Ahem! Excuse e moi, little girl? Did you just ask Modern Mythology a quez'tion?”

“Y-yes?” Terra said nervously.

Casey Jones whispers something into Phoebe's ear to which Phoebe relays to Terra, “Little girl, Modern Mythology doesn't care to talk to z'e like of you. That is why they hired someone of a higher pedigree.”

“Oh? Who is that?” Terra asks.

“...Me!” Phoebe shouts at her.

“I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask them about their loss in the tag tournament-” Terra begins

“Zhey do not wish to discuss how they were unfairly cheated from their victory last week. Modern Mythology has bigger issues at hand. Later tonight, Modern Mythology will reveal their latest business venture. Now, run along little girl.” Phoebe says as she shoos Terra away. And with that Modern Mythology walks away towards the arena and the scene ends.

....


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Modern Mythology makes their way to the ring with Phoebe carrying a tripod easel and a large notepad as she walks behind them. They enter the ring and Phoebe sets up the easel and places the giant notepad onto it. Jones and Chrome both grab a mic and smile widely to the crowd. Jones is first to speak, “Hello you idiomatic commoners. You're Hero...” He then points to his European title, “and CHAMPION is here!”

Chrome shoots Jones a nasty glare, “But even better yet, I am here.”

Jones continues, “But must important... WE are here to break you free from your callow, thoughtless, and asinine lives.”

The crowd boos...

Chrome takes over, “Thats right! Jones and I were thinking the other day about how absolutely great we are!”

“And how absolutely shameful it is that everyone else sucks.” Jones adds.

The crowd boos louder.

Jones shakes his head and laughs, “Now now... I've told you this once before. It's not your fault you guys suck. It's embedded into your blue collar, red neck DNA. You never stood a chance.”

Chrome laughs, “I find it funny that blue collar and redneck are essentially the same thing yet it has two different colors.”

“Thats because hicks ain't-don't learn them-their colors from their fancy-fide public schools! They can't tell the difference!” Jones mocks the crowd as they both begin laughing and the crowd fills the arena with deafening boos.

Chrome wipes a tear from his eye, “Ah.. good stuff. Anyways, as we thought about how you were born into a futile existence, we realized that as you're heroes we should do something to help you. And so we have!”

Chrome gestures over to the giant notepad where Phoebe turns over the first page. Jones reads it aloud for the people because he figures they didn't know how to read, “Modern Mythology's 10 steps to make you less pathetic!”

The crowd continues their boos...

Chrome points his finger in the air with added emphasis, “Yes! We give you an easy to follow step-by-step guide to becoming a less pathetic individual. Heck, if you can pass all 10 steps you won't even be pathetic at all! You'll be slightly above average! Hooray!” Chrome signals for Phoebe to turn to the next page and reads it out loud, “Step 1: Admit Modern Mythology is better than yourself and that you will never be greater then they are.”

Jones explains in greater detail, “First you have to realize that your unrealistic dreams of becoming us are impossible. We are exceptional... you are not.” Phoebe turns to the next page and Jones reads it, “Step 2: Realize that even though you are not as great is Modern Mythology, you can still become greater than everyone else... by following Modern Mythology.”

Chrome explains, “Right now you are stuck in the mud with everyone else while we are standing atop a golden pedestal. Just because you can't reach the pedestal doesn't mean you have to stay in the mud with everyone else.” Phoebe turns the page and Chrome reads, “Step 3: Spread the word of Modern Mythology's greatness to your family, friends, and complete strangers.”

Jones explains, “You took your first step out of the mud. Now you must try and show everybody else how it's done.” Next page and Jones reads, “This is an important one, Step 4: If your friends and family do not accept Modern Mythology as you have, disown them.”

Chrome explains, “If they refuse to see how great we are then they don't love you! You don't want to be around their kind so forget them completely and fully embrace Modern Mythology as your new family... a family that is richer, smarter, and just all around better than you are. But a family that will still tolerate you none-the-less.”

Jones continues to read step 4, “Step 4-B: If you are forced into disowning the family you share a last name with, drop the last name. Instead adopt the name we shall give you, 'Mythologist'. You will no longer be Mike Williams... you are now Mike Mythologist. Instead of Cindy Greenberg, you are now Cindy Mythologist.” Next page and Jones reads, “Step 5:You will shun the non-believers.”

Chrome explains, “Shun them! If people don't believe in your new commitment to Modern mythology, Shhhhhunnnn them!” Next page, “Step 6: Show others how great you are by buying all of and then wearing Modern Mythology's merchandise.”

Jones explains, “How will others know if you are better than them if you don't look the part? Just like cops? How will you know if they are cops if they don't wear their uniform? Well, how will people know they are less superior than you if you don't buy and wear all of Modern Mythology's clothing? Or our action figures? Or bumper stickers? Or low-fat energy bars which are still under development?” Next page, “Step 7: You will love what Modern Mythology loves and hate what Modern Mythology hates.”

Chrome explains, “Now that you look the part, its time to start altering your mind to believe absolutely everything that we tell you. You will want us to hold every title in UCW. You will want us to win every match. If we somehow lose a match, like last week, there was obviously foul play. You will eat a diet that we provide you with. To guide you, a cook book has been made available that can be bought for $19.95 online or at any concession stand. Rest in peace, Billy Mays. You will also despise the Fed-that-shall-not-be-named! Those who bad mouth us are then enemy!” Next page, “Step 8: After hating what Modern Mythology hates, you will do whatever you can to destroy Modern Mythology's foes.”

Jones explains as he snaps mentally and pulls at his hair, “Destroy them!” Jones suddenly goes back to normal, “Try to be creative. Sure cutting break lines are easy and all but wheres the creativity? I like the non-lethal but life ruining pranks myself. Perhaps stealing the enemies' credit card and then buying thousands of dollars worth of pornography. Then when the spouse reads the latest credit card bill it will lead to a painful and miserable divorce. Then the enemy still lives but they wish they were dead.” Next page, “Step 9: As a representative of Modern Mythology, you will never degrade yourself, therefore degrading Modern Mythology.”

Chrome explains, “People will now associate you with us. So don't embarrass us! Speak with nobility, stand with pride, and make sure to come to every UCW show and cheer for us and boo everyone else.”

The crowd boos loud...

“Yes just like that.” Chrome continues, “Also there is a Step 9-B: Never step foot in a third world country. Mexico, the middle east, Texas, trailer parks... avoid them at all cost! They are lands full of ignorant people who refuse to not be stupid or not be poor... so just pretend they don't exist.” Final page, “Step 10: You will never have an original thought again. Whenever you face any life choice, big or small, you will ask, what would Modern Mythology do? If you have a thought against Modern Mythology's reasonings, you must take discipline upon yourself.”

Jones explains, “Well... that one is pretty self explanatory. But what kind of discipline? I would suggest some sort of physical harm to yourself to really drive the point home that you now belong to us.”

Chrome adds, “Now that you know 'Modern Mythology's 10 steps to make you less pathetic', go forth and follow our rules and remember that even though you can't be as great as us... you can still be better than everybody else...” And with that Phoebe takes the easel and notepad and leaves the ring as Modern Mythology stays inside the ring and get ready for their upcoming match.

added to the show, I will have to reply to this in mine

((Part 2))




Phoebe is standing backstage with Chromeboy and Casey Jones. She has a mic in her hand, “Well z'hen boys. Lets do this right this time. Tonight Modern Mythology faces Reseroir Dogs... Whoever that is. But lets talk about what people really want to hear about... tell us more about 'Modern Mythology's 10 steps to make you less pathetic'.”

The camera turns to show Casey Jones and Chromeboy dressed in light blue shirts with khaki pants. Chromeboy has the letters BM embroidered on his sleeve. They both have wireless headsets and microphones on their craniums. Casey Jones looks unpleased and uncomforatable in these cloths. Clearly these were Chrome's idea.

“Well Phoebe,” Jones begins as he puts his discomfort with his clothing behind him, “I'm proud to say that in only one week we have made instructional books, DVDs, and for all you trailer park paupers out there who can't afford DVDs and don't know how to read, we have our books on tape to.”

“Yes.” Chromeboy continues as he clicks into infomercial mode, “How much would you expect to pay for an offer this great? $200? $300? At that price it would be a steal. But no! Better yet! You can get 'Modern Mythology's Guide to Making You Less Pathetic' for 3 easy plan payments of $19.95"

Jones looks down at a note pad and adds in a robotic, emotionless voice, "Wow thats a great deal. Why don't you tell them about the free gift... umm... offer?"

"As a one time offer" Chrome spoke, "but only one time, because we can't do this all day, if you call in the next 20 minutes we will throw in a free bottle of 'What Odor?' to help you cover up your own pathetic stink. Yes, for only three easy payments of $19.95 you can learn to be less pathetic.”

“But still nowhere as great as we are.” Jones adds back in his cocksure attitude.

Chrome continues, “Naturally. You see, last week we went over the basic steps but now we want to go over the warning signs. How do you know for sure if you are pathetic or not? Well... let us tell you. If you are poor, sickly, old, or perhaps you are so unattractive the mere sight of you is an assault to pretty people's senses... you are pathetic and need our help.”

“Or Mexican.” Phoebe adds.

Jones snickers as he pats her on the back, “Ah yes! I have taught you well my young neophyte.”

“There is also one easy way to know for sure if you are so pathetic that you need our informational product.” Chroem says, “Go over to a mirror. Look into your image. Look at yourself. Think about the person that you truly are. Then ask yourself, 'Who am I?”. If you answer is not, 'I am a member of Modern Mythology' then that means you are pathetic and you in fact need out product.”

Phoebe holds up a white piece of poster board with the number 1-800-HELPMEPLZ in bold black print. She then promotes, “Call now. Operators are z'tanding by.”

With that the three of them walk off screen. The screen starts to fade until Jones comes rushing back into the picture with a mic in hand. He looks into the camera and adds, “Oh and to the team of Receptacle Mutts, you to are pathetic enough to order our product... but not even we can help your type of mediocrity. Huh-ha!”


Then the screen fades to black...